January 17th, 2005
|12:03 am - Amateur Cartography|
I think I just witnessed a murder. If I am dead tomorrow, it's because I saw the homeless guy across the street beat someone to death, and he has now come to kill me so I can't finger him.
I am way depressed. I talked to my mom yesterday, and she has quite the way of making me feel like shit.
I want to quit school. I like it, but it's costing so much money, and my life isn't headed anywhere anyway. I might just stop after this year. I was thinking I could move into a little studio around here and get a job filing or something. Then I could pay off my car and my student loans and credit cards and get a dog. And just sorta fade into the background. There is too much shit I'm holding on to that I should've left behind. But I'm sure I'll just keep going to school so that I can graduate and then do exactly the same thing I could do now. I'm so useless. I'm of no value whatsoever to anyone or anything in this world. I'm one of those drones who is just a waste of time and food and space. Ok. I'm done with that now.
It was weird going home for Christmas. And very disappointing. But not surprising. I knew things would be different, but I wasn't ready for how much. Five months doesn't feel like that long, but it's long enough for people to change so much you can barely recognize them. It made me not-so-eager to visit again all that much. Except to see the new puppy. Cuz she's cute. But other than that, I'm freaked out to go back. At least I know I'm not moving back to Salt Lake any time soon.
(No one likes to imagine the person they love touching someone else)
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: My Beloved Monster--Eels
|Date:||January 18th, 2005 06:46 am (UTC)|| |
could you barely recognize me? p.s. you have limitless value to me.